to love or not to love >:(

 I did not know how I felt about this book. I am drawing blanks. It was a good read. I enjoyed it, but there were many time jumps, which I feel are messing with my perception of when things happened in chronological order.

As I turn the pages, I keep hoping the narrator will reveal her name, along with her two brothers and her mother. But I think it served a purpose. Do I know what that is? No, but it gotta mean something.

I know that we have read about many families in previous books and they are all a bit strange. This family was no exception. The family dynamic was interesting. I see the elder brother taking on the role of father figure in the absence of their father, which may explain why the younger ones did not really have a relationship with him. Not to mention the fact that he is always taking thighs from them, robbing them of whatever they have. And bro couldn't wait after the mother passed to forge her will T-T I find it so representative of a true family that she says she wanted to kill her elder brother but still let him get away with things like forging her mother's will to cover his debt. And how she formed a bond with her younger brother, and seems to be mourning his death from time to time. 

I love that she also did not name her lover. She did not reveal her own name, so it is only fair not to name other people. BUT I'm obsessed with her naming the women in her life. I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think there's any mention of a man's name, only a handful of women's. Once she experienced sexual interaction with her lover, she seemed also to be obsessed with H.L. and her body and the way she carried herself. I think she's in love with H.L. 

She's so relatable for questioning herself whether or not she was in love with her lover, and the defence mechanism of letting him say it out loud that she doesn't love him is so real. She does not have a close relationship with any of her family members, so it's understandable that she might not want to be too expressive (at least verbally) with her lover about her true feelings. She admits in the end that it was probably love. 

Well, thats all I have for today. It was a fun time-jumping read!